Gibberish is My Native Language

Yes, I am about to write about chicken breasts.

I normally buy a brace of chicken breasts from Costco and bag them, two at a time, in small Ziploc bags. I freeze the little chicken bits until I need them for grilling, and then I put them in the fridge the night before. While not particularly wracked with hardship, I didn't like this system for a few reasons. The first reason was that the chicken breasts were a little too large to both be in one small back, but too small to be put in a larger back. I know this speaks terribly of some sort of container-compulsion issues I may have, but damn if I didn't get peeved by having to smash two chicken breasts into a small bag. Secondly, it sucks having to bag ten pairs of chicken breasts.
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One of the things I was most excited about when I purchased my new E815 cell phone was acquiring a Bluetooth headset. At the time, I still had the potential of traveling up to Rockville every two weeks and out to California once a month. Having a handsfree kit was really attractive, and the thought of not having a corded headset was very appealing.

The problem with Bluetooth headsets, and my highest-priority criteria, is that it could not be the size and shape of a damn Star Trek phaser. It's the rage out here to wear big-ass Motorola ear pieces that flash blue every few seconds. HAY GUYS, I CAN'T MISS THIS EMPORTANTE CALL FRUM MAH WIFEY!!

The second criteria was range (the longer the better), then sound quality, and then price.
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I have been using Anthony Logistics Shaving Cream for well over a year. As I wrote last August, I hate shaving, and the smooth, thin, slightly minty shaving cream from Anthony's helped make shaving tolerable.

I have gone through two bottles (one small, one large). Instead of ordering another $15 bottle from Mens Essentials, I decided to try a four pack of Edge Advanced Sensitive Skin with Aloe. Standing tall at 9.5oz per can, The entire four pack was $9.99 at Costco. If the Edge gel sucked, I would be out a meager amount, and maybe some of my buddies could use it on their less sensitive, less crazy-to-shave mugs.
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Near the turn of the year I was able to get a new phone through Verizon Wireless at new customer prices via their "new every two" program. I had always envied the phones available on Cingular with bluetooth and (by now, common) speaker phone, voice activate dialing, etc. Verizon has a very good network where I live, but the phones are a bit behind the technology curve.

I had really wanted the LG VX-9800 but after seeing it I discarded it from my list. The phone is very, very large by today's standards. Putting it in my pocket was out of the question, as I wasn't about to field questions about "is that your VX-9800, or are you just happy to see me?" The quest continued for a phone that had the features I was looking for.
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I don't normally do movie reviews, because I feel that what I like about a movie differs quite dramatically from what normal people like. I have some basic requirements before I'll see a movie, although there are a few notable exceptions. A movie must have at least one:

• Monster


• Shootout/brawl


• Aliens


• Car chase

At any rate, even if I find folks who like movies that I like, I tend not to discuss particular films with them until we've all seen it. If someone asks me what I thought of Movie Such-and-Such, I just say, "Go see it," or "Rent it," or "Naw. HELL NAW." With that in mind, I present Brothers Grimm and Lucky Number Slevin to the DrFaulken cinematic crucible.

Brothers Grimm: rented via Netflix, I hereby have weighed your merits and found you horribly, horribly wanting. Naw. HELL NAW.

Lucky Number Slevin: it reminds me of two of my favorite movies combined, and features some of my favorite performers. If you like action films with plot twists, Go see it.

Warning! A rant follows.

It is a well known Gibberish fact that I hate shaving. Unfortunately for me, I inherited my father's Sasquatch gene and would need to shave twice a day to avoid a serious 5 o'clock shadow. If you've read some of my grooming entries, you may recall reviews on various shaving creams, tonics, ju-ju, balms, and mystic formulae.

That being said, Lady Jaye bought me a starter set for the Gillette Fusion, which includes the razor and two blade cartridges.
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I've been wearing contact lenses since I was sixteen years old. Going from glasses to contact lenses was an amazing experience. I hadn't realized how much one's peripheral vision is lost while wearing glasses. I originally started wearing contacts because of my involvement in contact sports, but continued to wear them diligently for the next decade. I was pretty good about cleaning my lenses, although I do miss the days of thermal cleaning instead of the chemical process that's so prevalent now. I swear the chemical system is a conspiracy not only to sell more consumables, but also to push the more expensive, and less durable, disposable contact lenses.
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No, this post won't be about the Proclaimers. It's about Inara, the 2006 Pontiac Solstice roadster I bought almost a month ago. I've tacked on just a touch over 1000 miles since I bought her, and I figured now was a good time for a short review.
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Every time I visit California I get a funky rental. Despite asking for a "midsized" car every time, I normally get something different, like a convertible, or an SUV, or even a full-sized Ford F-250 truck. I am pretty sure it's because all the tree-hugger enviro-friendly tourists want more efficient cars. But since I'm on the company dime, I don't mind getting various gas-guzzlers. Besides, it gives me something interesting to write to you about.

However, nothing could have prepared me for Megatron.
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About a week or so ago I found out about Pandora. Pandora is a Flash-based streaming music site founded by some part mathematician, part musician brainiacs. What makes Pandora different from other online streaming services such as SomaFM is that Pandora utilizes algorithms and plain-old human hearing to profile music in order to suggest similar music for you to enjoy. Pandora asks you to type in one artist or song you like. I entered in "Mocean Worker," and almost immediately started hearing music that I liked, but had never heard before, even on my beloved SomaFM.
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This has been a review long in coming. I received Taiko Drum Master from Lady Jaye for Christmas last year. I immediately plugged it in, and smiled non-stop for the next two hours while I banged along to the music. I had planned on doing a review sooner, but between playing Taiko, WoW, and our camcorder being stolen, this write-up has been on the back burner for some time.
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After reviewing 42 items in 2005, I figured it was a good time for a look back and the gadgets and games I covered last year in Gibberish. As is typical I suppose, the things I reviewed ran parallel to whatever I was concentrating at the time. After we got our Sony PSPs, I rattled off 7 reviews. When we started drinking more tea instead of coffee, I did a write up of Adagio.com, our teaware, and our favorite teas (which reminds me, I need to reorder some White Peony). And so on.

So, after all that blabbering in 2005, what were my favorite and least favorite things that I reviewed?
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After my rant about the Bodum Assam teapot we own, Lady Jaye bought me a very fine Japanese cast iron teapot for the holiday. Weighing in at a hefty six pounds empty, this black beaut has a removable stainless steel infuser basket.
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I feel let down after pimping the new A&E show "Dallas SWAT" yesterday. Lady Jaye and I stopped playing Warcraft (a feat in itself) to go downstairs at 10 to watch it. This is a super big deal, as we don't plan our TV viewing habits at all and can't be bothered to show up at a certain hour to watch a certain program. But we did for Dallas SWAT, my mind filled with the 30 second advert and 5 minute teaser I saw on A&E. I expected guys pulling windows off of houses. I expected a 5-man stack crashing through a plate glass door. I expected SWATacular sniper fire and armaments not legally obtainable by the public.

By and large, I was disappointed.

Here's how the show's summary should really read: "Dallas SWAT is an introspective look into the lives of grumpy middle-aged men who have dedicated their lives to working as police officers and as such have horribly screwed up interpersonal skills with anyone other than a SWAT officer. Watch our daring officers spend 40 minutes an episode agonize over spouses, ex-girlfriends, attending the ballet, and ignoring their doctors' advice. Oh yeah, and for 5 minutes a show you see them actually do their jobs, but only from the outside since we couldn't figure out how to mount cameras to men who already have cameras mounted on their helmets."

I'm giving the show another shot next week. If there isn't some serious tactical action I'm pulling the plug on this black bag op.

Lady Jaye and I held a birthday bash in my honor back in August. I was lucky enough to have most of my friends present, and to make things even better I got some games! They all fit my personality: the Captain and his family bought me a martial arts movie-style card game, a_sleepy_panda gave me SPANC, which stands for Space Pirate Amazon Ninja Catgirls, also a card-based game. More on those games at a later date.

configuratrix hooked me up with Sucking Vacuum. The object of the game is to escape a doomed space station via the one escape pod. The catch is that you must assemble a space suit, fuel the escape pod, and either leave with another player or find the autopilot and leave by yourself. This last point is what makes the game really fun. If you don't have the autopilot you have to ally with another player. But as soon as you do so, the other players will be out to get you! You can also jack players for their equipment, so the game has a paranoid vibe going on.
( So what's the gameplay like? )

I am a huge fan of Gmail. My two favorite features, by far, are threaded discussions and the ability to add multiple, user-defined labels to email conversations. I like Gmail so much that I forward all of my private email through there, and have two additional accounts: one for my DrFaulken shenanigans and another for an on-hold ebusiness I've kicked around with my friend Bond.

There's a free program from Gmail itself called Gmail Notifier, and while it does its job well, it can only check mail from one account at a time. For folks like me with multiple accounts, Gmail Notifier just wasn't hacking it. Surely there must be other folks with a similar situation as mine, yeah?
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It's that time of year -- you know, when you throw your diet to the wind and eat all sorts of yummy but totally bad food and "snacks." Starting with Thanksgiving, your body is probably going to try to process all sorts of things it's not used to: turkey, meat loaf, pumpkin pie, big ol' ham, pumpkin pie (mmm), stuffing, brownies, etc etc etc. Damn this post is making me hungry :(

Anyway, unless you're a straight up velociraptor like me who eats more meat in a week than you probably do in a year, your body responds to all of this food by keeping it in your intestines. You heard me, it's harder for your body to process all that refined sugar, protein, fat and grease than if you eat alfalfa pellets. Not that there's anything wrong with you half-rabbits out there (:cough: Fish Sprout :cough:). Your body needs lots of water and a good metabolism to break all that stuff down and get rid of it, and most of us aren't drinking enough water and exercising, especially during the holiday season.

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Thanks to a nod from configuratrix, I recently played The Typing of the Dead, a typing game built on top of the House of the Dead arcade/console zombie shooter. The original arcade version uses two light guns (one for each player), but in this version you are armed only with a keyboard. Or in my case, a keyboard and a 12-week old puppy in your lap.
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Protective jackets and pants come in three basic materials, in ascending order: mesh, textile, and leather, with leather being the most protective. Leather should probably be in its own category, with variations in thickness, the skin used, perforated/solid construction, etc all making subtle but important differences. But for the purpose of this write up, it's important to know that mesh is the least protective, then textile, then leather. Generally speaking, however, the inverse ranking is true for comfort in warm conditions.

I get hot very easily, and overheating was one of my biggest concerns when I bought my motorcycle. Thanks to my friend Bond, I was able to inspect his Teknic Chicane perforated leather jacket. I bought one for myself in solid black at a discount. I love that jacket, and it fits me quite well despite my longer-than-average arms. I still find it uncomfortable to wear in any temperature higher than 75 degrees, even though it's perforated to allow air to flow through the jacket. When I'm stuck at a stop light it's particularly bad; partially because the jacket is all black, and partially because that's the nature of leather. It's fawking hot.
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I've written two reviews of my rental cars while I'm out on business in California (Buick Rendezvous and Mazda 6). Thanks to a canceled flight in Richmond and a delay in Chicago, I was over three hours late in arriving to California this trip. As per company orders, we are only allowed to rent mid-sized cars. However, Hertz had already rented out all of their mid-sized cars for the day. The conversation at the counter went a little something like this:

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